Letters #003: To the One Who Feels Anxious

You ever felt anxious? How about right now, are you feeling anxious? I’m not talking about the kind where you’re quite interested or eager for something to happen. I’m talking about that feeling of unease, nervousness, where your heart is beating so fast it’s almost like the world is closing in on you. Where your brows are furrowed with worry and your forehead with creases of concerns. Your stomach is tied in knots you almost can’t keep food down. I’m talking about that kind of anxiety that makes you want to find the nearest corner and hide or bawl.

I had one of such episodes recently. 

The first time I had an anxiety attack was about 3 years ago in the midst of people I was meeting for the first time. I couldn’t explain it then but the nervousness I felt being there was so intense; my throat went dry, I couldn’t breathe, I thought I’d collapse any moment. I couldn’t bear being around them so the moment I had a chance, I ran straight home, away from it all. This time though, I couldn’t run away from what was inducing the anxiety. Not in the sense of the first attack. 

I have learnt a lot since the first episode of anxiety I had and I know running away generally isn’t the answer. It’s not the answer for any emotions I feel actually. I have learned that the only way out or maybe the best way out is to walk through it not run or suppress it. It’s not always my first course of action but I try to do it. As I dealt with this episode of anxiety (which was induced by work), I knew running away wasn’t going to help. 

I had recently gotten an improved employment offer which ordinarily should make anyone happy. I was happy at first, but soon enough I started to see all my inadequacies and shortfalls and swung into planning mode on how to fix it- Let’s just say that didn’t work because I ended up in panic island again. It was so bad that I actually considered quitting full time. 

Growth is not an easy road. But hard isn’t always bad either. 

After a meeting with a colleague discussing plans for a project we were working on, I had an epiphany- Oh, how I love how the Lord interrupts the darkness I feel and stills my heart! His interventions are always timely. There I was and suddenly it hit me: I haven’t gotten this far just by my efforts alone or by how much I exerted myself. I am not alone in this journey! Whether it’s the journey that’s my career, my finance, my relationships; my life, in general, has not been because of what I was able to do myself.

And so it dawned on me; I need my Father! I need to focus on him and go in deeper. It took some days for my heart to be fully at peace but I got it. I got my peace back. Here’s what the Lord said to me at that time:

My God is the one who helps me

Of course, I will study and learn as I should

I will do the work I need to do 

But my God will reveal the mysteries to me

My God will teach me and guide me

My God will train me and equip me

I do not have to be encumbered by the ways others do it or the way the world expects it to be done

I do not have to be swallowed up by their processes

My God will reveal the knowledge and the mysteries to me

My God is the One who helps me and He will help me in my career

It’s not just about my efforts

I am greatly helped by the Lord 

The Lord is with me

His power is at work in me

I’m strong when I am weak

The Lord is with me

It took a wonderful turn from there. I have a clear insight into my goals for this new phase. I have a better learning plan in place. Most importantly is knowing that I am not alone in this (or any) phase of my life and I don’t have to do it all by myself. My Father is with me. 

Maybe you’re feeling anxious about something today, your career, your health, your family, the world, I mean it’s been really crazy times this period. I want to remind you that you are not alone. Right in the middle of what you feel right now, the Lord is with you and He will help you.

I love you,

Yami